The Genesis

A very real part of my existence has been overcoming fears…

I was running, running as fast as my seven-year-old legs could carry me. My older brother and sister are running behind me yelling for me to stop. I hear them but I kept running. Running all the way around the block. Their voices fade in the distance as well as the plan we had concocted for revenge. She was after me, the neighborhood bully. I was running for my life. I ran because my siblings could not quiet the fear of another beat-down.

It was 1963 and we had not too long moved to Connecticut from North Carolina. A new place to live; cold and far away from Moma, my grandmother, my rock. There were seven of us, my mom and step-father, an older brother and sister, and two younger sisters. I remember the day we left. I was sitting in the back seat on the passenger side. Moma was standing on the sidewalk favoring her good leg (Moma was struck with polio so one leg was shorter than the other) waving goodbye. I couldn’t tell if she was crying because of the tears filling my eyes. As we drove away, I sunk down into the seat and so did my heart.

A New Friend?

Now here we are in a new land. Is this even still the United States? The people are different here. They see one way…straight ahead. No smiles, no greetings, no yes mams or no sirs.

One day I had gone outside to play. There were neighborhood kids outside and a chance for me to make a friend. Not too long after being outside I found myself in a fight. I can’t remember exactly why it started but it was over quickly. Utterly surprised by it all, I burst into our third-floor apartment in a daze. I can remember my mother gasping in horror as she examined the area of my scalp that was missing clump of hair.  We were all mortified that children fought in such a harsh manner! We had fights in the south but you certainly weren’t supposed to try to really hurt someone beyond a scratch here or there. Didn’t they know the rules of engagement?

Revenge of the Fearful

So, my brother and sister and I sat down that night and devised a plan of how we were going to retaliate. I really just wanted to be finished with it but I went along with the plan anyway. The plan was that on tomorrow I would walk in full view of the girl who whooped me. The thought was that she would surely go for a second round. When she did my brother and sister would be right there to show her some southern hospitality. Well the plan started off good but as I walked alone knowing the girl was eyeing me, fear kicked in and despite my backup being there, I ran. I ran until I circled the block and found myself safely back at the apartment. Of course, my brother and sister were chasing and yelling at me all the way around the block. They were 5 and 6 years older than I but they weren’t catching me! Nobody was! They could have saved themselves a run and met me at the house! However, although the plan failed, it worked. The girl never bothered me again. She probably concluded she could never run that fast.

Simon Says Boo!

And so, it followed me. My whole life. Being afraid. I was good at hiding behind “I’m shy” or later as I grew into adulthood “I’m an introvert”. There are some fears I have overcome such as the fear of speaking publicly. Then there are other fears that still linger. Certain fears are healthy, they preserve life. Then there are those fears that are threatening; those that make you shrink from life experiences and measured risks that if engaged reap huge rewards.

So, I have decided to grab fear by the throat and face it full on. I am afraid of heights. Have you ever been in the Catskill Mountains and gone across the Rip Van Winkle suspension bridge ? Oh my Lord! I don’t like going across the George Washington Bridge. I get in the middle lane and drive as fast as allowable to get off! But the Rip Van Winkle? Ahhhh..nope!

Flying High!

Well, I did say I was going to grab this fear by its throat, right? No, I’m not bungy jumping off Rip Van Winkle or any other bridge but I’ve decided to SKYDIVE! That’s even higher than Rip Van Winkle! Okay, so I will be flying high on November 23^rd, that’s this Saturday, around 10:30 am, weather permitting. I’m putting this out there so I won’t chicken out! Actually, I’m excited! I feel like I’m going on a pilgrimage of sorts!

Stay tuned in as the week progresses. I’ll check my vitals and let you know if I’m a chicken or an eagle!